Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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