It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
