You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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