I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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