How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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