i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
