She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she looked like the before picture.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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