You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
