I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
