I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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