The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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