I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
