The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
