Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
