Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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