I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I deserve this hangover.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
