In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize