Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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