just tell him i said nine months
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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