Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
