this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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