i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
