'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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