Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
