He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize