so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
