you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
