Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
