so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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