question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
