I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
