I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
