Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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