You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
