The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
