dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
