She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize