My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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