On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
