Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize