its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
