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It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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