TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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