Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
