so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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