I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
