Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
