yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
