It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know her cup size but not her name....
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