Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize