dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love you. Go after that dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
