he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
