I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
