I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
