I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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