I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
