i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
