I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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