I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
