went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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