I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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