So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
