stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
