He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
