Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
