He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
