The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
