That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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