i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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