..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
