Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
